mega-dead asked:
Hi I was wondering if I could read your poem "Remedy" for a poetry contest I'm going to. I really loved it and I teared up just reading it. I could relate to it so much and it's wonderful.

Yes of course!


Remedy

I wrote a poem, enjoy.

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder
But if that’s the case then why is it that when I isolate myself away from each and every person that ever has played a significant role in my life
That I don’t fall more and more in love with myself?

Some days I ask myself if getting out of bed is even worth the challenges that await me
Lately, more often than not this has been the case.
Ever since I was young child I was always tought that
Beyond the hardships lies accomplishment
But everything that’s been preached to me from day one to present goes in one ear and out the other.
You see, being depressed isn’t being sad when times are tough
Being depressed is being sad when everything is right.

Routine begins to overcome my mental being.
You wake up, get ready, go about your business, come home, go to sleep, lather, rinse, repeat
Until one day it’s the tiniest of straws that breaks the fucking sad, sad camel’s back.
Eventually you can’t help but look away from your biggest enemy, as he looks you in the eye through a looking glass.
He’s got a smug grimace on his face, as if he’s oblivious to the fact that he’s got you by the balls.
Soon enough you come to accept your fate.
This isn’t a night in the drunk tank.
This isn’t 5-10 with the chance of parol.
This is your life.
There’s no ifs, ands or buts.
There is no tricking yourself that it’s not there, because believe me, oh believe me I tried.

Sometimes it’s easier to let people think I’m a slob, a pig even
Than try to describe how my world seems like it’s going to crack open and swallow me whole.
As the smoke fills up my chest like helium in a balloon
I exhale what at the moment seems like my problems, disappearing into nothingness.
I can’t think straight, it’s exactly what I need.
Out of sight, our of mind, right?
All is well, no more hell.
I laugh, I eat, I repeat. No more defeat, I have this beat. What a feat.
Then I come down.
And down.
And there I stare the ghosts of my problems in the face as they blissfully kiss the tip of my nose.
I can’t do this anymore.
I want out.
As if I was conceived by being discovered by a wandering eye in a fucking discount bin
Return this broken child back to the hell in which he came from.

The clouds roll in, the birds flee.
There’s a storm coming, and what better timing.
The kids stop playing, the swings start swaying.
All is lost, I’m ready to let go.
I say goodbye to myself.
And just as I’m about to leave this world and never look back
I see her.

Like something from a dream.
Her bright blonde hair makes the rain go away.
Her freckles makes my pain go away.
Her awkward smile lights up the lantern in my heart that I thought for sure was a lost cause.
It’s as if I finally have a reason to wake up.
No longer feel obligated to bake up.
She ultimately saved my life.
She’s completely unaware of the impact her presence has on my moral stature.
There is not a painkiller on this planet that will ever treat the emptyness I once felt
But instead, to kiss her hand will suffice.
It’s as if every freckle I kiss gives me one more reason to stay here.
Her laugh gives me hope.
The way she says my name gives me hope.
She gives me hope.
She gave me something that I would have never even known existed if not for her.

I always thought that love was some label used to convince you to fit in.
You know the drill: graduate, get a job, get married, move in, and start a family to raise kids of your own
Like rewatching a movie immediately after watching it the first time.
But love is so fucking real.
To love someone else you must first love yourself.
If not for this girl that would’ve been but another lost dream.
She is my better half.
She is my best friend.
She is my remedy.